Have you noticed how everyone talks about “young people” being digital natives, while never failing to point out how "older people" online are usually bumping into the furniture?
Behold a true tale:
In the small-ish town where I’m sheltering in place…
a small group of "youths" (allegedly) broke into a church.
(That's “Yutes” for those of you who've seen ‘My Cousin Vinny.’)
This country church needs a coat of paint and you might wonder if it's still operating.
White and square, with a modest steeple it could easily be mistaken for a one-room school house.
Sitting like a white stamp on a green envelope, there's no parking lot, just a small neatly cut, green grass yard.
That’s where the yutes parked.
They got in through a back door, began rummaging around and grabbed a painting: The Last Supper.
Not the real one.
Though I'm betting they didn’t know that.
The sun's coming up just as these “art thieves” are making their getaway.
The Good Lord (to put it in local parlance) must have been waking up too, just in time to see them leaving...
Because they got stuck right in front of the church. Clear up to the axles.
Did I mention it's rained non-stop for five days?
The granddaughter of the church’s founder happens to live across the street.
She might have been enjoying her first cup of coffee when through the curtains she sees these unlucky yutes stuck in the mud.
Out the door she goes to offer and help push their ride out of the mud.
People are good like that here.
As she approaches, at least one of the yutes becomes aggressive, presumably because they believe they’ve been “caught.”
A big Dukes Of Hazard meets Housewives of The County-style argument ensues.
The police arrive.
All is recorded on cell phones, because, 2020.
The masterwork remains hidden away, unseen.
The church owner knows they were trespassing by their behavior.
Yet no one can prove the yutes have done anything but get stuck in the church yard.
In the presence of "Johnny Law" (the church owner’s words, not mine) the yutes get unstuck and get out, fast.
And that might