Updated: Feb 11
Everyone told me I should sign up for this one guy’s email list.
“He’s the BEST!” they said. “He’s a God!” “The only one to follow!” Curious to see if he lived up to his rep, I signed up for his list.
He was in my face from day one. If email were car radio speakers, you'd hear his bass thumpin' coming down the street.
Reading his (frequent!!) emails, I found myself thinking:
"Is he a jerk? I’m not sure. He’s obnoxious. He’s opinionated. Yet, he’s …interesting."
I couldn’t deny it. His comments on dating made me want to kick his chair out from under him.
"What a pig!" I wanted to say when he told stories of offering dating advice to his male friends, but he wasn't quite a being a pig.
What is this guy's deal?
Why was I so annoyed? And if I was, why didn't I unsubscribe?
One click and Lord Obnoxious is history, yet ...
Something kept me hanging on. Finally, I saw it.
All his edgy, crazy, loudness is strategic.
He does it on purpose. He's not afraid you won't like him.
Hit the unsubscribe link, he doesn't care! He is what he is.
You have to decide to take it or leave it. He doesn't bore you to death. He challenges you to decide, and the sooner the better!
He's not rude. He simply doesn't have a "pleaser" mode.
The more I thought about it, I narrowed it to two key reasons I didn't unsubscribe.
He delivers on his promise. He does what he says he's going to do, making him trustworthy.
Number two is the real clincher...You feel something when you read his email. He made me want to strangle him, yes, but he was making a point. And because I FELT something, it stayed with me.
It's why bland resumes, summaries and headlines are so forgettable and ineffective. You feel nothing. There's no emotion. One is the same as the next.
They say the worm that destroys you is the temptation to please your enemies.
That's what shuts you down in job hunting and at work.
You end up trying to please everyone and "do the right thing" when you would be far better off focusing on being as you as possible.
This week, a client confided, “I’m not a fan of the process.” (The "process" being job hunting.)
Is anyone? I wondered.
I knew what he was really saying, because nearly every person looking for a job says it sooner or later. "I hate feeling like I can’t be myself, combined with feeling like I have to submit to being judged by other people against invisible standards while getting no feedback."
Who needs that garbage? Not you.
The good news? You don't have to. In fact, you're be better off if you don't.
The foghorn of conformity is the collective voice of the sheeple. It drowns out your inner voice.
Sometimes that inner voice is saying, “This is stupid!” (because it is!)
“What’s the common sense approach?” “What would my next move be if I were supremely confident?” Answer that question and go do it. Tip: don't be "open to anything."
Like "Mr. Hit-Unsubscribe-I-Don't-Care!" you too, can cull out the herd of non-enthusiasts and speak only the language of your your stark raving fans! Try it. It works. In case you're wondering how Lord Take It Or Leave It is making out: he's a leader in his industry and a multi-millionaire from his work. If you're worried you'll lose out on a "good" opportunity by being yourself, don't be.
Power hungry people and companies who want "wage slaves" adore obsequious, passive, people-pleasers and if you're unsure of yourself, they'll find an infinite number of subtle ways to make you feel like an obnoxious jerk for doing precisely the things you should be doing. Things like
➖ Negotiating ➖ Expressing a different point of view ➖ Leveraging your experience to deliver solutions ➖ Not tolerating disrespectful behavior
(I wrote about getting punished for being an overachiever here a few months back.) Good teams and good leaders want fully-formed, accountable, thinking, original people. (cue you walking through the door.)
Let sheeple be sheeple. You do you.
Booster shot is dropping next week.
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